Being Social

While it does feel good to be asked this morning from my cousin 'how can I be more social like you' it's weird because I definitely don't think of myself as a social being.  I think by 'social' she really meant 'happy' (she is very lonely and halfway across the country from any family outside of her busy husband :( )  Given the choice I would like nothing more than to veg out on the couch solo but that breads depression.  I have this thing inside of me that makes me not enjoy vegging out, I will call it 'past mistakes of doing just that', sometimes it sucks because I want that break.  I think I have had too many time periods where I got complacent and didn't push my bounds and before I know it it's been 3 years and I haven't accomplished anything, then I just get depressed.  I thrive off accomplishments, whether its keeping the bank appointment I made last month, hanging up one of my latest crafts on the wall, sitting through a family dinner with no fights, or getting a masters degree, all are accomplishments in my eyes and they all feed my hunger for more. 

In recent times I have actively been putting myself out there in the world, trying my interests and seeing how they are because I feel like I am on the cusp of one of those times.  There are definitely things I should be doing... that I justify not doing.  Instead of simply justifying not doing them I am replacing that void with something else I have wanted to do.  That way I feel like at least I am getting something in exchange and I don't just talk myself out of accomplishments.  I ought to be studying for my architectural license, instead I am taking yoga and started a craft night which is just a free night to 'create'.  While I haven't made much progress towards my license I have learned how to make granola, I have helped to make a couple of cool pictures for Brian's office and maybe most importantly I have had the opportunity to bond with Brian and make our relationship stronger.  My hope being that these pros will outweigh the con of having made no progress towards my license... I do hope that eventually I will want to study and will just do it, but until then the procrastination is benefiting other areas in my life.  I thing life is cyclical like that, if you aren't careful and intentional it is easy to fall into a complacent pattern where you find that years go by without accomplishments... I have had a couple of periods like that and feel like I finally know better to resist those cycles and occupy myself with whatever I can find.  We will see how this particular mode of procrastination plays out as the months go by :).